Talking Too Much Can Cost You
I was reading this article in the April issue of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine, called Do You Talk To Much?, and it got me thinking about all the annoying habits people can have, that hold them back in life without them realizing it. Everyone knows someone like this. Maybe they’re a good person, but you hate to see them coming because they will tell you everything you don’t want to know about anything, and it’s extremely difficult to break away from them in conversation. The article suggests that we think of long-winded people as being “boring and self-absorbed”. It seems as though they enjoy the sound of their own voice so much, that they have a total disregard to whatever non-verbal clues your sending them. I’ve seen this in job interviews as well. An applicant just talks their way right out of a job, because they can’t answer a question. They’re trying to come across as being friendly, but they go way off topic telling some story rather than directly answering a question.
Another characteristic that came to mind, is people who are “close talkers”. I’m sure most of us have seen the episode of Seinfeld that pokes fun at the issue. It really is annoying to talk to some one who feels the need to get right in your face. Personally, I don’t want to smell your lunch when we’re talking……know what I mean?
The obvious question has to come up about ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, we may have bad communication habits of our own, that keep us from getting where we want to go in life. Here are a couple of questions to keep in mind:
- When you talk, do people start fidgeting, and looking away?
- When in a conversation, do you talk over 30 seconds without giving the other person a chance to speak?
- Do you enjoy hearing yourself talk?
The sad thing is, that most people are not going to tell you that you talk too much. They will just avoid you.
OMG, I have a friend just like that.
I love her, she is like family, but she goes on and on about stuff she is doing, (closing loans and property managment) and over and over for YEARS!
She is so boring and repetitive. And she does not pick up the verbal cues at all.
Plus I hate it when people forgot they already told you stuff.
It makes me feel like you are just using me to get all your verbal off your chest.
I can never tell her this because she is really sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily.
I did pull away after a few years and really think hard about the friendship and if I wanted to keep it.
So yes, people will just avoid you.
Hi Ichen,
Yeah, I think we all know someone like this. I always try to be tolerant, but sometimes it can be tough. One way I’ve dealt with this type of situation, is to make a joke out of it to them directly. Sometimes that can get the message accross in a light-hearted way.
Yes, but what if you are one of those people? What’s the amount of time you should be talking? If a person keeps responding to your stories and adding their own comments? I’ve noticed that to build rapport, I match a person’s story with one of my own…inevitably it turns the subject to me and I hate that. I try to ask them questions about their stories. It’s difficult when the clues don’t seem to be obvious and you didn’t get the memo on how long you are “supposed” to talk…. So, give us a time limit? Give us a clue to look for…. Don’t just avoid us.
Hal
haha…..that’s funny Hal. Here are my thoughts(so you don’t feel that I’m avoiding you…hehe)
This is just my personal opinion, but if you’re talking, and the other person keeps looking away, or acting like they have somewhere else to be or something else to do, then you should probably wrap your little speech up.