How to Deal With People Who Are Impossible
03/27/07
At some point, we’ve all had to deal with a real “nut-job”. That is unless, of course, we’re the “nut-job”. Hopefully that’s not the case. People who seem to be impossible to deal with can frustrate you in a way that death seems like the easiest and most sensible solution. Of course, that’s not the case………but it’s the way our mind can over-exaggerate a situation if we’re frustrated enough. The best thing to do is to learn how to deal with these people before they get you on your wits end.
The Facts….
- You have to accept that you can’t deal with this kind of person the same as everyone else. It’s just impossible! That’s what led you to realize how impossible they were in the first place. They may be crazy, or maybe your personality doesn’t mix with theirs, but either way, you have to be very direct when you have to communicate with them. Sometimes you have to treat them like children, being extremely gentle with your words and ever aware of them being how they are.
- You have to figure out for sure if it’s them, and not you! Most likely it is, or you would have these problems with almost everyone, not just this hot shot. The fact is though, that this can be confusing, because impossible people like to blame everything on someone else. So, you may be the target of that blame. Just always replay the situation in your mind and make sure you aren’t the problem. Be ready to admit it if you are.
- It’s much easier said than done, but stay cool and don’t let anger get you bent out of shape. People who act like children should be treated as such. If they become angry and start yelling, it’s best not to engage them. Let them have their say, but assume they are just venting. Don’t take what they say personally, just remember if the conversation needs to continue, let it wait until they can act like an adult. At some point, you may need to even tell them that.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
[...] Antbag – home to the everchanging Feed icon – tells us all about dealing with impossible people [...]
[...] over at antbag.com has an interesting post about impossible people, that made me think a lot (that’s always a good [...]
That is some great advice to go by. I know a few people like this and one of my biggest problems is I do get angry and bent out of shape with them. Ultimately I end up telling them what I really think about the situation.
I’ve let them get to me, too. As a matter of fact, I think it’s probably natural to talk to others in the same tone they talk to you. But, unfortunately, that will rarely get you anywhere.
Sometime you just have to let the bad aspects of your life “go” and after saying goodbye to a Selfish, demanding and destructive friendship today I cant help but feel, lighter, if not very sad ;-(
Good work and honest stuff.
you said it in a gentle way, and it’s exactly what i think too
I like the idea of treating them like children. Basically visualising them like a little brat sounds like a really good idea…Get some emotional distance so you don’t take the nasty things they say personally.
you know what every one said is so true…where i live i get really stressed from people who are impossible to please..but even though i try not to let it get to me somehow it always does.
That very true all my life I had deal with impossible social workers and mangers, people in the communtiy. There only what listen what the hear. sometimes there drive me nuts.
its very difficutl when this person is your spouse. They never do NO wrong.. its always you.. You cant look at them right.. “Why are you talking like that”.. i try to stay as cool as possible.. otherwise I want to EXPLODE.. so i have a demenor of no expression.. and they cant stand that either.. If you argue.. it just fuels it .. so I simply decide to walk away from it… its a shame.. and a sad way to have to live…especially with a spouse!
Hiya, i have seen your site when searching a few weeks ago and i really love the design! I just bought a new 3 character domain (cost me a packet) for a niche review blog, and i was wondering if your design is a free or paid one? I’m new to WordPress and about to set it up, and i would really like to get something with a similar look to yours. Any ideas where i could download or buy something similar? Thanks for your help!
Great insight. A friend of mine fits this description so well. And sad to say when I was getting to know her at first none of this attitude was apparent. After a while and she was sure she had established a friendship she began to act like an …oops… i will say child. She is a know it all to boot and now whenever we do talk it is …”don’t get it” or “no that’s not it. She is a knowledge hog… and it is too hard to have a two way conversation bcs she gets “tempermental” Any suggestions on how to slowly get out of this relationship. She is also very vengeful i have discovered and has ruined people’s lives…it is sad but totally frustrating….
I married one like this and im ready to walk out. nothing has helped this guy. he is just like his mother, in her mid 50′s immature, flies off the handle and controlling!
Im going thourh what Danilele is going through it has become emotionally unstabling always walking on egg shells
The best ally for dealing with such difficult people is patience
I am a wreck inside out, left and right, up and down trying to deal with my impossible husband for the last 5 years. My husband is not only impossible, he’s inconsistant too. Its impossible to work on anything with him. I never know when or how the next bomb of his madness would drop on me. He is neither a resident nor an outsider, a father but not a parent. he’s so impossible that he won’t even agree to a separation or divorce!!!He gets violent everytime I have an upperhand on matters. having him in my life has totally drained me. The worst thing is that he always comes out as the sane one in the relatonship. There is no winning while dealing with the impossible person. My only option, it appears, is either to disappear or die. but my young child with him makes it difficult for me to try anything outrages.
Wow! So many people living with impossible spouses! i have no idea what your background is, but could I offer a suggestion? Pray! God can change anyone’s heart. He is the hope in every hopeless situation!
Good suggestions, Anthony.
Simple and the most effective trick is to turn face and ignore. While he/she eats your ear either plug in cotton or your earphones without letting know.
Hi. my wife is that way. is very common to find this problem.
I’m going to get a book on the topic because it left me thinking. Thanks. Great work!
NO ONE HAS MY PROBLEM, my husband Randy is 53 yrs young, I say young because he acts like a 3 to 5 yr old. Did not show this 20 some yrs ago when dating.
He acts so child like, talks to the dog like Michale Jackson did with the chip.Baby like.
Constantly baby talks, fish are not fish, they are fishies, bathroom is batroom,samwich is a samage.
Throws tantrums, only breaking my things, not his, of course not.
Name calling is a real treat for him, so it spitting his food and crumbs on the table.
He’s always spending money on stupid things that we do not need. Buys more food than we can eat. Can not buy a cup of coffee without buying something else. Flee market purchases are items that should of been thrown away by the seller, but he buys them.
Destroying my things are a pleasure to him, but DON”T touch his things.
I keep my house very clean, but he is a pig, stating “It’s only a house”, if I mess up his garage, he flips out. And his car has to be clean, bitches if my jeep is not washed—cause I’m CLEANING UP AFTER A PIG in the house mind you.
Has a great job making 30 something a hour, great benifits, and constantly bitches and complains everyday. and it is a job that he enjoys doing.
Have a terrific son 28 yrs old , going great has own business, home, everything, He bitches about him since he was young. But when he is around guys a work he brags about him. But runs him down at home to me.
I am three yrs older than he is, he looks older and he calls me old hag,( I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS NOR HEAR HIS REMARKS, PLEASE NOTE) I have told him I do not know what mirror he is looking in to but he could make alot of money if he sold it!
I was raised in a good Italian family, I met my husband twenty some yrs ago, he was not like this when I met him, ssooooo– beware females, these inmature, self centered, childish, distructive,demeaning,ignorant, bullies are out there in disguise.
“”"SO TO THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK YOU GOT IT BAD, YOU DON’T”"”!
I think that it is worth considering that many people considered to be impossible people have in fact a personality disorder of some sort.This may not make it any easier,but may lend some perspective.If you have some sort of relationship with such a person it is quite likely that they will indulge in a great deal of projective blaming and you will be the target for no better reason than you are close.Be assured that it is not you and never has been and that the person concerned has issues that they have never dealt with except by denial and have usually a historical dimension.Quite possibly if you know them well they may have a great deal of guilt and feelings of inadequacy which become overwhelming for them when they consider the normal notion of responsiblity.I would not be surprised either to find paranoia either.Whatever you do,do not accept any of their blaming strategies.It is quite possible to be driven almost to the point of madness yourself by a well develped person of this type,Protect yourself.
Further to the above I think that a common experience with a truly impossible person who as I have pointed out may have a personality disorder is that they will constantly change their understandings of the moment and hence their demands.Make no mistake about the impossible person is very demanding,of time,space and understanding.It is quite likely that gratitude will be rare and it is unlikely that you will ever be right or that right will be ok for very long.Expect them to change their opinion quite frequently to the extent that you feel that you may have to be trying{its futile by the way} to be keeping track of where they are mentally at any moment.You may spend quite a lot of time either walking on eggshells conversationally with this type or attempting to appease.
In my opinion a relationship with such people can be both exhausting and damaging to even the most stable of people and you can become absolutely drained both physically and mentally hence my advice to protect yourself.
They may be crazy, or maybe your personality doesn’t mix with theirs, but either way, you have to be very direct when you have to communicate with them
Have been married over 37 yrs, lived the military life until husband retired 4mons. ago. He used to be palatable until a cancer scare l2yrs. ago, every yr. since then has gotten worse. Have had a lot of adversity on my own to deal with, health & family issues plus elderly relative. He starts every sentence with “I” & unless he gets what he wants, he throws a fit. Does not care about me or 2 grown kids. He is happy with things that are not alive, tools, garage, tractor, etc. He can yell one minute @ me & then be whistling in the cellar the next. I have seen a counsellor many times for my own well-being. He has seen a counsellor only once, going back again next wk., basically to learn how to keep peace in the family. He is very comfortable blaming me & making excuses for himself. I have devoted our entire married life to this family; used to love him but do not think so. There are no winners in divorce but have been so stressed out due to his behavior & other issues caused me to have arrthymia. Had many tests, all pointed to undue stress. He is very uncaring. Is he narcisstic, ADD/ADHD or both. Sometimes I am @ my wits end. He hates probems & all has been on my back for yrs. He never wanted kids so they were up to me to handle. Sad as it is, feel my life is a waste! Have worked way too hard just to walk away & lose. Any advice???
my family members are impossible to deal with.
My older sister is UPSET with EVERYTHING I do. .
She does not let me move out either, she says she’s afraid to lose me
However she does not love me and impossible to deal with
My wife acts as if she is so untouchable. She acts like a child. We have a daughter together so its like I’m raising to kids. She is a spoiled brat and can not make it in the real world by herself. She acts like the worst kid I have ever known and yet she is 23. She gets a free ride and has all kinds of things to be thankful for but yet she isn’t or atleast acts far from it. Its honestly like talkin to a jackass. Its ok for her to act like this and that and have a smart mouth with everyone including my parents which is so immoral and yet if she gets the same medicine then its not ok for someone else to do it back. I don’t even fight with her anymore I just preach the good book to her and pray. There is honestly nothing else I can do but that.
This is so weird. I found this article, or an article similar to this and sent it to one of my friends because it seems like I have these kinds of problems with people all the time. It turns out, according to my friends, that it is in fact I who am the impossible person. What do you do if you are the person that is impossible?
I wouldn’t be surprised if your friends are right. I base this on the fact that you’re asking a serious question, but are not willing to use your real name. Instead you choose something that everyone who reads this will know it isn’t.
To answer your question, I think you have to realize that everything is not all about you. Treat others as you want to be treated. When disappointments come along(and they will), handle them with dignity and never forget to show respect to others involved. If you do that, I doubt anyone can label you impossible.
Sometime you just have to let the bad aspects of your life “go” and after saying goodbye to a Selfish, demanding and destructive friendship today I cant help but feel, lighter, if not very sad ;-(